Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
