Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
