4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
