I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize