if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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