I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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