I feel like I'm in dance class right now
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
