direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I am available for nakedness
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
