Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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