So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
