What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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