they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
