She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
