He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
This baby is an asshole
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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