i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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