I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
