i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
