YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
