the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
