Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The feeling are messing with the penis
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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