Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
