did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
