ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
