So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
