talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
