uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
