hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
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He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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