I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
