I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
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Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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