I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
