Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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