i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
