I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Randomize
