oh god the rape fog is back!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
