I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
