He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
