Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
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If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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