Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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