Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
