if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
