hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize