i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
