My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
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We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
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I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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