If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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