My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
