I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
this just has baby written all over it
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
