You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
