Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize