Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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