You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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