That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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