my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
