# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
