Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
