He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
