Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
