Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
