I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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