90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
