She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
