Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
