i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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