Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
