Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
