PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
