Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
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Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
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I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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