Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
