i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
