JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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