I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
