Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
