i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
