PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
