My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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