my phone needs a breathalizer
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
