He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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