You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
