The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
