we have pet lesbian snakes
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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