I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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