Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
