That's intense
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
